Don’t forget — the ones who want to hear the story have to buy the beer/wine/booze for the one telling the story.
“And there I was, trapped on this pitiful lump of land while the dreaded hax were circling in for the kill, and the most horrible thing happened!”
“What!? What!? Tell us!”
“I experienced the greatest moment of thirst I have ever felt in my life!” (holds out mug expectantly)
Coyoty
“I claim this something in the name of Claimer Neviff and shis Hoarding Hordes!”
“But it’s already ours. We’re using it.”
“We must liberate it from the primitives that clearly invaded and took it over!”
“We made it ourselves. YOU’RE the ones invading and taking it over.”
“Appendage it over, or we shall use our powerful boomstickers on you!”
“Guns. Lovely. Marel, get out the plasma cannons, please.”
“The… what?”
“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit.” FWOOOMSH.
“AAAIIIIEEEHHH!!!”
“It’ll hurt a lot.”
Flyswatter
Land, religion, resources… take your pick.
Al Infamous
The war for space oil. Oops, that was the first series.
Pete Rogan
The Korean War (actually, the US’s second Korean War) was probably the last time the American infantry could agree on what they were fighting for. The ‘fight against Communist expansion’ became a bad joke in Vietnam, and from there proceeded to be the hideous badge of the hopelessly innocent. And/or stupid. I doubt you’d get any consensus from the combatants on what Panama, Grenada, Afghanistan or Iraq was really about, what was to be won, or why it didn’t work.
The bigger and more detached the rulers from the front lines, the more vague and invented the reasons provided for the conflict become. But it didn’t start with Vietnam. People might not remember but the US didn’t want to get into the slaughterhouse that was the Great War in Europe — at least until the Lusitania went down in fifteen minutes with rich Americans on board and the path to war was charted. No living combatants are left, but you’d find similar confusion as to why we had to avenge the battleship Maine by invading Cuba and the Philippines, not to mention the first Korean War in 1869.
I could go on, but, as we all know, the Civil War and its reasons are still being fought over a century and a half later, and it no longer counts as a ‘past’ war. I’ll just mention the invasion of Mexico in 1847 and leave it to you to figure out what THAT was all about and who really won — if they won anything at all.
tlhonmey
Interesting how the Korean war was also the last war that had any measurable degree of success to eh?
And much of the public didn’t really want to get into WWI after the Lusitania either. Just, you know, anyone who spoke out against it was jailed for sedition. Welcome to the land of the free!
“The People’s Pottage” (terrible title I know) by Garet Garrett is an interesting read for anyone who hasn’t yet. Available online from several sites.
Night-Gaunt
Wars seem so important even when they are not except in who is invaded and killed or wounded as their country is trashed.
The US invaded lots of places including Mexico a few times and got half of the US land in the process.
Rick an Morty filled in some blanks about Rick’s past life including fighting against the Federation which he later took down by making their money equal to zero in their electronic world. Then it rose from the ashes a bit different.
Zeke
Only those who build the weapons look forward to war, and sadly they are holding more and more power.
Demarquis
Collegehumor.com did a parody called “The War of 1812: The Movie” in which no one in the war understands what the war is about. They make the same mistakes college students make today: “Didn’t we already fight the British?” : )
Muzhik
@Demarquis — I once heard a historian make what sounded like a very good case that the reason for the War of 1812 was to unite the country (again) against a common enemy and to keep New England from seceding from the Union.
tlhonmey
There was the minor detail that the British were engaging in acts of piracy against American ships. (They justified this by saying that Americans were still British subjects, despite Britain having lost the war, so they could be pressed into the British Navy at will.)
Very similar to how the British pushed Germany into attacking American ships during WWI. Every schoolchild learns how a German submarine sank the Lusitania… Nobody mentions the fact that the British were seizing every merchant ship in the Mediterranean that was going to Germany or any of its neighbours in blatant violation of international law. (including American ships… The reason we sided with the British in that war is a little murky beyond J.P. Morgan having personally guaranteed the French war bonds he was selling). Germany had no choice but to do their best to cut off all shipping to Britain in return. Unlike the British, they were even very polite about it and published warnings in American newspapers about what they were doing.
Really, the thing to have done in 1812 instead of going to war with Canada would have been to just start hanging the commanders of British ships as pirates. Really, for all their high talk, they’ve rarely behaved better than that when they thought they could get away with it.
Night-Gaunt
The war 1812-1814 was started by US Yahoos crossing the border and burning a courthouse to the ground. We almost lost that war.
Yes New England wanted to rejoin the British several times.
Pete Rogan
Sorry now I brought the whole subject up. Let’s stand down. And wonder where Pipper’s calderac comes from.
Don’t forget — the ones who want to hear the story have to buy the beer/wine/booze for the one telling the story.
“And there I was, trapped on this pitiful lump of land while the dreaded hax were circling in for the kill, and the most horrible thing happened!”
“What!? What!? Tell us!”
“I experienced the greatest moment of thirst I have ever felt in my life!” (holds out mug expectantly)
“I claim this something in the name of Claimer Neviff and shis Hoarding Hordes!”
“But it’s already ours. We’re using it.”
“We must liberate it from the primitives that clearly invaded and took it over!”
“We made it ourselves. YOU’RE the ones invading and taking it over.”
“Appendage it over, or we shall use our powerful boomstickers on you!”
“Guns. Lovely. Marel, get out the plasma cannons, please.”
“The… what?”
“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit.” FWOOOMSH.
“AAAIIIIEEEHHH!!!”
“It’ll hurt a lot.”
Land, religion, resources… take your pick.
The war for space oil. Oops, that was the first series.
The Korean War (actually, the US’s second Korean War) was probably the last time the American infantry could agree on what they were fighting for. The ‘fight against Communist expansion’ became a bad joke in Vietnam, and from there proceeded to be the hideous badge of the hopelessly innocent. And/or stupid. I doubt you’d get any consensus from the combatants on what Panama, Grenada, Afghanistan or Iraq was really about, what was to be won, or why it didn’t work.
The bigger and more detached the rulers from the front lines, the more vague and invented the reasons provided for the conflict become. But it didn’t start with Vietnam. People might not remember but the US didn’t want to get into the slaughterhouse that was the Great War in Europe — at least until the Lusitania went down in fifteen minutes with rich Americans on board and the path to war was charted. No living combatants are left, but you’d find similar confusion as to why we had to avenge the battleship Maine by invading Cuba and the Philippines, not to mention the first Korean War in 1869.
I could go on, but, as we all know, the Civil War and its reasons are still being fought over a century and a half later, and it no longer counts as a ‘past’ war. I’ll just mention the invasion of Mexico in 1847 and leave it to you to figure out what THAT was all about and who really won — if they won anything at all.
Interesting how the Korean war was also the last war that had any measurable degree of success to eh?
And much of the public didn’t really want to get into WWI after the Lusitania either. Just, you know, anyone who spoke out against it was jailed for sedition. Welcome to the land of the free!
“The People’s Pottage” (terrible title I know) by Garet Garrett is an interesting read for anyone who hasn’t yet. Available online from several sites.
Wars seem so important even when they are not except in who is invaded and killed or wounded as their country is trashed.
The US invaded lots of places including Mexico a few times and got half of the US land in the process.
Rick an Morty filled in some blanks about Rick’s past life including fighting against the Federation which he later took down by making their money equal to zero in their electronic world. Then it rose from the ashes a bit different.
Only those who build the weapons look forward to war, and sadly they are holding more and more power.
Collegehumor.com did a parody called “The War of 1812: The Movie” in which no one in the war understands what the war is about. They make the same mistakes college students make today: “Didn’t we already fight the British?” : )
@Demarquis — I once heard a historian make what sounded like a very good case that the reason for the War of 1812 was to unite the country (again) against a common enemy and to keep New England from seceding from the Union.
There was the minor detail that the British were engaging in acts of piracy against American ships. (They justified this by saying that Americans were still British subjects, despite Britain having lost the war, so they could be pressed into the British Navy at will.)
Very similar to how the British pushed Germany into attacking American ships during WWI. Every schoolchild learns how a German submarine sank the Lusitania… Nobody mentions the fact that the British were seizing every merchant ship in the Mediterranean that was going to Germany or any of its neighbours in blatant violation of international law. (including American ships… The reason we sided with the British in that war is a little murky beyond J.P. Morgan having personally guaranteed the French war bonds he was selling). Germany had no choice but to do their best to cut off all shipping to Britain in return. Unlike the British, they were even very polite about it and published warnings in American newspapers about what they were doing.
Really, the thing to have done in 1812 instead of going to war with Canada would have been to just start hanging the commanders of British ships as pirates. Really, for all their high talk, they’ve rarely behaved better than that when they thought they could get away with it.
The war 1812-1814 was started by US Yahoos crossing the border and burning a courthouse to the ground. We almost lost that war.
Yes New England wanted to rejoin the British several times.
Sorry now I brought the whole subject up. Let’s stand down. And wonder where Pipper’s calderac comes from.